NASSAU, BAHAMAS.  21:28 EST, WEDNESDAY 15 FEB.

First day here, I sit down in a Starbucks and the guy sitting next to me is wearing a watch worth $120k. 

I go to the toilet and am met by a mixed-race couple in their sixties emerging from a cubicle together. 

“Well, that was a memorable experience…” says she.
“I didn’t know I needed to go that fast…” he replies. 

Not much has changed here since the golden age of piracy, it seems.

Maybe that’s why SBF was here. Not for the low taxes, ease of business and proximity to the US, but the centuries-old acceptance of foreigners possessing wealth of dubious origin and a ‘who gives a fuck’ attitude.

A kindly old lady (Christian, unvaccinated) running a souvenir stand mentioned there were plenty of Ukrainians in town. She thought they were fleeing the war, bless her.

The Bahamas has been a home for ill-gotten gains since Blackbeard was lighting his hair on fire as a flex; all that’s changed is the profession and clothing of the pirates. Even the mode of transport is often the same, with modern freebooters often cruising the seas in yachts.

This continuity through the ages is a product of two strengths: location and governance.

Back when Blackbeard was inventing Snapchat filters in Nassau, a vein of gold was coursing nearby: the shipping lanes of the Spanish treasure fleet. From the slave mines of Peru and Mexico to the ports of Seville and Cadiz, Spanish treasure galleons ran across the Atlantic and prayed they weren’t preyed upon. 

The British Empire invested little in governing the islands; some British imperials even encouraged piracy as it weakened Spain. And so the islands were a perfect haven for those planning on plundering these vessels, or spending the spoils afterward.

While much has changed in the ages since, the location and governance of the Bahamas has kept this spirit of piracy alive. Interestingly, the British Empire returns as an aider and abetter in this modern retelling.

While Spanish treasure fleets are no more, the Bahamas now has an even richer vein of gold nearby to tap into: the USA. 

Just a short flight (or ferry) away lies the richest nation of earth, and dominant superpower (red balloons notwithstanding). 

It’s a prime location for those wanting to store and conceal wealth siphoned from the America. Not to mention a (relatively) safe perch for those wanting to prey upon the US without American oversight - like SBF.

The Bahamas declared independence from the British Empire in 1973. But it’s legal system is a derivative of English common law: the backbone of the Western financial system. 

(You can’t become a successful tax haven just by cutting taxes: you need English common law.)

Further, while the Bahamas is independent, the country has kept the British monarch as head-of-state and maintains a strong relationship with the City of London Corporation.

Anyone telling you the City has lost or is losing its status as a financial centre as a result of Brexit is an idiot. The ‘Square Mile’ remains the world’s financial centre, and will continue to be for the forseeable unless certain financial and legal innovation takes place (more on this in a future issue).

The City of London as you will likely know counts numerous pirates as valuable clients, and deploys their capital to tax havens. The majority of which - like the Bahamas - have English common law and the British Monarch as sovereign.

The Empire ain’t dead. But nor are the pirates - head to Starbucks and see for yourself.

The Bahamas aren’t all wealth and debauchery however. That very same Starbucks also hosts a more familiar sight: retarded American tourists. While queuing for your ‘venti’ portion of milky boomerslop one can overhear inquisitive minds ask aloud profound questions such as “what’s three times ten?” and “does US law apply here?”. 

Props to the couple who waited in line for twenty minutes, not to buy coffee, but location-specific Starbucks merch (‘Been There’ mug, Bahamas edition). If there’s any reason to be bullish $SBUX, it’s their marketing team.

Coming up next time: central bankers wearing their underwear on their faces (no, really) and utterly botching a CBDC rollout.

Until then,

Jim Hawkins

PS
For those wondering, the watch mentioned at the beginning was a platinum Rolex Daytona with an ice blue dial and brown subdials - I believe the reference is 116506. The guy wearing it was in his fifties or sixties, and - surprise surprise - speaking Russian to two younger compatriots.